ARGHH

I think that I'm going through an anger stage of deployment.  I'm pretty sure that the anger stage comes around more than once, if not that would be awesome but I'm not going to bank on it.

I hate the fact that my conversations with Coach are not always great and wonderful like I want them to be.  We don't live with each other so we should have something to say to each other all the time, but alot of times I don't.  I know that if he were here we would talk, I honestly don't know of us being in the same house or same state and not talking at all.  We talk even when the other person knows what is going on, so why is "phone" conversation so hard at times?  They are not here and don't know what is going on, we should have a lot to say.

Even when I tell Coach things he seems to be a guy and give me one word-ers.  Or Coach gets distracted by his roommates whom are playing xbox.  I realize that sometimes the conversation isn't there, but I'm a girl and get offended when I'm not his focus.  Especially when I'm his wife, raising his kid without him, just gave away our dog, and get extremely lonesome at times!!!

I hate that we have to have a relationship like this for a year.  Neither one of us had the capacity to make a long distant relationship work, we don't do phone conversations well, and here we are trying to make a phone relationship work!!  I mean, I know that we are going to be fine and I'm not leaving him or anything, but him being gone and us doing the phone thing really is putting some strain on me.  I don't know about Coach, cuz well he never talks about his feelings.
I'm ANGRY at Coach and I shouldn't be, I know it is not his fault that our time zones are 11hrs different, ad he has responsibilities when I want to talk, and I seem to be distracted or not in the mood when he is able to talk.  I'm angry that not every conversation lifts me up or even lifts him up (of course I know that he will say, "just getting to hear your voice makes the whole day better"). That makes me feel guilty when he says that, because I have angry feelings.  I get so excited to hear and see him and then I don't know what happens, sometimes it goes away, and that makes me angry!!

I'm angry at myself and I'm probably putting the blame on Coach.  I'm frustrated and overwhelmed right now and so everything is making me angry...

On a happy note, this is Coach.  I know that he would rather be here with us than where he is at.  I know that he has to do this for us and I do love him with all my heart.

A lot of nothing, but a pretty sunset :-)