A Moment

We are back home for awhile and I know Big T is missing his Grandparents, the animals, and the snowmobile!! 
I can't believe how much he has grown since we've been home last.  He is getting into drawers that he couldn't reach last time and reaching other places I wasn't prepared for him to reach.  AHHH!!

Just thinking of how much he is changing makes my eyes fill up with tears and my heart ache!!!  Not only because he is growing soo fast, but mostly because his dad, Coach, truly is missing out on so much!!  I know that he is doing a job, a job that alot of people won't or can't do, and somebody has to do it.  A job that is constantly criticized more and more, and a job where he is paid less than minimal wage.  He has truly sacrificed so much for a job that has to be done, no matter what others may think, it has to be done. 
I miss him more than words can express.  He is my best friend, and a lot of times it feels like he is my only friend.  It has been tough with out him here.  He hasn't been there to hold me and tell me I'm a good person and I'm raising our son fine. (which I worry that I'm not doing a good enough job being both parents or even just the mom.)  He hasn't been there to just hang out with me when I need an adult to talk to. He speaks Cami and I swear he is one of the few people I'm not awkward around, and even if I am he gets it.  Coach is not here to pick me up and telling me to keep going and telling me I can do it, and that I matter.  And he is there on Sunday's which truly seem to be the hardest day for me. I think it is because I feel the most alone when I'm surrounded by people, and yet am alone.  I'm in the dreary world with out my help meet.
I knew that it was going to be hard with out him here, I just didn't realize how hard emotionally it would be. How could I have?  How can you prepare for it?
Coach is not being able to chase Big T around and show him the world that is before him.  He isn't able to teach him new words or get to watch Big T try to calculate how to climb up this chair before him. Big T is constantly learning how things work and how to put things together.  It is such an incredible time, and Coach only gets to see him maybe once a week for 5-10 minutes and just his face, not him experiencing life. 

I know that this is but a moment in the grand scheme of things, but it is one of the toughest moments I've experienced thus far.