Coach will be arriving on Saturday!!!
Well I made it! ...I lasted a whole year without my hubby. I of course had some help from my amazing family!! A huge shout out to my Parents. They let me come stay with them for months at a time.
While I don't wish the separation of a spouse on anybody, I did learn and grow as an individual, where as I'm pretty sure I might not have in certain areas if he hadn't left. I can look back now and see where I used Coach as a crutch.
When Coach was gone I started out the first couple of months okay, I was feeling fairly normal and happy. After those couple of months I started the emotional roller coaster that didn't have very many highs, mostly mediocre to low, then to some real low, lows. I have to give shouts to those that were there during my low, lows and kept a watchful eye on me..:-), you guys ROCK!!
I at first faced my problems with the attitude "I need to find out who I am." That was sort-of helping, but I was still not getting much air, and didn't feel any happier about life.
Yeah, I was the a little overwhelmed with being the sole parent to Big T, who was not always an easy child to be a parent to period. But I had other feelings that didn't get dealt with even before Coach left that added to the pressure of single parenting.
I finally hit a rock bottom and realized I have got to get things together for my son and my husband and for our future.
I was able to attend Education Week at BYU-I which taught me a ton and enlightened me as well. With the things I was taught there and diving more into the scriptures I was more open to the Spirit and I believe that when we have that Spirit and we are willing to be guided and taught, we will be. I was being taught when I came across this talk by Joesph B. Wirthlin
Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life.
while all of this is a good talk the very last bit of it was what hit me and spoke to me the most. It read as follows:
"George Bernard Shaw said: “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Don’t worry about searching for who you are; focus your energies on creating the kind of person you want to be! You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself, but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way."
I was trying to "Find Myself" and it wasn't working, so I decided It was time to "Create Myself." And so I began that journey.
I set goals, made a list of things I wanted to try, do, and see; so far I've learned a ton. My dad taught me how to work with wood and we built a set of dressers. They look pretty amazing!!! I also decided that I want to dabble with painting...on ceramic :-), So I painted Big T a piggy bank. I also finally decided it was time to learn how to sew, even if its just the basics. I will never be a great seamstress, ever, but I did sew a bag and I could probably do small things.
I also decided it was time to stop reading about others lives ( and getting jealous) and start living my own. Don't get me wrong, I still read others blogs and look at photos on facebook, but my attitude toward it has changed, and I don't do it nearly as often.
while I was "creating" myself, I did "find" something that I had always loved, but somehow, and somewhere down the road didn't give it the attention it deserved, and that would be my love of Horses. I know I have mentioned this before, but when I am on the back of a horse, I'm Home!!
I love the sound of leather squeaking under you and the sound of the horse as it is breathing. I love the way you can really just move with the horse whether it is walking, cantering, or on a dead run after some calf!! I love to run!! Plus my favorite smell in the world has always been a sweaty horse.
My dad taught me how to ride when I was just a tiny tyke..I even remember running in the field behind our house in Star Valley when I was only 5 ( all by myself might I add!) I finally brought that love and my knowledge home with me to Bozeman, and I'm going to keep it with me always and never let it go again. I'm sorry I get so passionate about this topic...I just ramble on.
I know that I am definitely not done creating myself, but I have finally started and I have confidence in who I am so far. I am not super mom, I suck at blogging. There are some out there that are real pros with words. I don't have the 3 kids that I wish I'd have by now, and I'm not even the best person out there on the back of a horse. But, I'm healthy, I do have one amazing boy, and of course Big T ;-). No.. I have a great Coach who has been willing to put up with the "before" me and still loved me!!
It sucked being away from my husband for all that time, but I'm grateful that I was able to really grow from the experience and really find happiness with who I am as an individual. I'm so excited to take what I've learned and now use it to strengthen our relationships as a family and as a couple.
