collage of what?!!

So I have been given an assignment to make a collage of ME on a poster-board.  I remember doing something like this in grade school, but it was easy and fun then!  On that project you put your favorite animals or colors of activities...ect.
Now I have to make it of who I really am.  I have to think "who is Cami Miller?" and then display it in a collage.  (back then I was Cami Johnson, I'm a different person now :-) )
I have no idea who Cami Miller really is....probably why I have been given this assignment.  Plus I have to incorporate how Heavenly Father sees me as, and I don't know that either.

Can I also point out, I'm totally not crafty.  My "craftiness" looks like some preschooler's craft.
 I'm very curious to see how this will end up.

5 Love Languages

I remember first hearing about the 5 languages of love while I was living in Jackson Hole.  At the time I was very interested in knowing about it, but then got distracted and never checked it out.

Jump ahead about 4 years and I have been married to Coach for almost two years.  We are struggling and decided to seek some help.  We went to an awesome counselor with LDS Family Services.
One of the things Coach and I were dealing with was that neither one of us was feeling loved, of course we didn't know that was the problem.  Our counselor helped us find ways to show each other love and helped me realize that I was not validating Coach. 

Now it has been a little over 3 years since we saw the counselor and the marriage is better, not perfect by any means, but it is better than it first was.  With Coach being gone though things have gotten tough and we were again counseled to read a book together.  The 5 Love Languages ( The Secret to Love That Lasts) by Gary Chapman. 

I just finished the book and it gave me more insight into our marriage and what our counselor was telling us 3 years ago.  This book just taught it in a way that was clearer for me to understand, it is really idiot proof thank goodness. 
I have found out that I am bilingual, in the fact that I have 2 love languages that are both just as important for me to receive in order to feel loved.  They are Quality Time and Acts of Service.
(I actually had a hard time figuring out my own love language, I don't know why, but for me it was hard.)  I see now why I am having such a tough time, the 2 languages that I need to feel loved require the husband present, and mine is not.  Coach new his love language right away, and I should have known because it was discussed in our previous counseling session.  His is Words of Affirmation, and he can receive that and feel loved million of miles away.

The book really was just awesome!!  It talked of how when we first meet someone we feel those "in-love" feelings which are kind of an obsession, but they wear off.  In fact, statistically they only last for a maximum of two years. After those two years love becomes a choice, a decision that we have to make everyday.  I truly do believe that Love is a Choice!  Filling our spouse's Love Tank takes work and effort.

I totally recommend this book to every married couple, it has been completely eye opening!!  Many of you probably already have great marriages so if you do great, who knows this book might make it even better.  But if you are like me and struggle a bit,  I believe this will totally help.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Sickness and Apple Turnovers

Big T has been grumpy for a little over a week, and it has been wearing on me, goodness.  Last Monday is when he started to whine a lot more and stopped eating.  When we went in for his doc. appointment he had a 100 degree temp. Aww the beginning.  He then received his MMR shot.  The next couple of days he had diarreah, a rising temp., still whiny and a runny/stuffy nose.  Friday his temperature continued to rise but he actually ate lunch, it was a hot dog so I'm not surprised, but then at dinner he randomly threw up his hot dog.  He didn't cry or anything, just held his hands up and gave me the "Gross get this off me" face.  That was his first time throwing up so it scared me and got me worried. Saturday no eating again and a very high temperature through out the day. Sunday the temperature went down in the morning and then rose again in the evening.  This Monday he started to really drool so I'm thinking maybe all of this is due to teething. Teething seems to also have all these symptoms.  I then noticed a rash behind his ears, weird but maybe it will go away.  Then today my son has that rash all over his body!!!

Finally called the doctor. I thought he may have ended up getting the measles, but apparently the rash is just a reaction to the shot, which reactions don't show up until around a week later (which today is exactly a week).  Everything else could be teething, a bug, fever..all of it at once.  I really think it is a little of everything, which has been very overwhelming.   I hope that he will start eating soon, I know a child won't starve them self, but I still am worried that he won't eat.  It is all so frustrating and tiring.

Last night I decided to shake things up a bit and bake!!  I found a fairly easy treat I thought to try out in my pile of recipes. Apple Turnovers!!!

Before the oven:

 After the oven:  (yeah they aren't as pretty as the picture on the recipe, but they were yummy!!!)

A Glimpse of Light

So last night I was in the "depths of despair", well probably not that bad. I'd hate to ever feel the depths of despair to the fullest. But I was down and out.

Before I went to bed I read in the Book of Mormon, 3rd Nephi chapter 26. It was tells us that Jesus did truly teach the people in the Americas.  He taught them everything from the beginning to the end.  That even babes uttered marvelous things.  When I first started to read about Jesus 's  resurrection to the Americas, I didn't understand why he didn't stay longer and to me it felt like he couldn't teach them everything in so little of time.  So when I read this chapter it made me realize how blinded I was being, how wrong I was to think that he couldn't do all that he did in the Jerusalem area.  I then had the feeling, well what did he teach them and how come it isn't all written down?  Again the answer came in verses 9 thru 11 and I was humbled.  3rd Nephi verse 11 ".....I will try the faith of my people."
I have always been the type that wants things now, or I want more than I need, because I think I need it.  How ungrateful I've been for what I do have.  And how proud I have been thinking that I need or deserve more when I haven't appreciated what I do have. 

I know that our Heavenly Father blesses us when we are following and keeping his commandments.  I know that he gives us what we can handle, even if we don't think we can handle it.  He knows we can and we must turn to him.  I've come to understand a little more about my trials.  I feel like I can't handle them because I am trying to do them by myself, without his help.  That is probably why I can't seem to climb that trial hill.   He is there waiting and hoping that I will accept his help and his love and finally yoke myself to him and let my burden be light!  To me "trying the faith of his people" is seeing if we will turn to him and let him help us.  He turely has been "trying" me to see if I would turn to him, and I haven't been.  I also know, that he has put others in our path that can also help us. They can help with tangible things, but they can also help us see the spiritual meanings.
I came home today from Sacrament and continued reading in 3rd Nephi chapters 27-30 and the thing that stuck out most to me in those chapters was "....endureth to the end" (3 Nephi 27:16). Jesus also teaches us to do the works which we have seen him do, and that we need to be like he was.
Jesus always helped those around him and turned to his Father in prayer when he needed him. 

My goal is to turn to my Father in Heaven and believe that he loves me and then to ENDURE to the end.
( I guess he must love me some because he blessed me with these two incredible males in my life!)

ARGHH

I think that I'm going through an anger stage of deployment.  I'm pretty sure that the anger stage comes around more than once, if not that would be awesome but I'm not going to bank on it.

I hate the fact that my conversations with Coach are not always great and wonderful like I want them to be.  We don't live with each other so we should have something to say to each other all the time, but alot of times I don't.  I know that if he were here we would talk, I honestly don't know of us being in the same house or same state and not talking at all.  We talk even when the other person knows what is going on, so why is "phone" conversation so hard at times?  They are not here and don't know what is going on, we should have a lot to say.

Even when I tell Coach things he seems to be a guy and give me one word-ers.  Or Coach gets distracted by his roommates whom are playing xbox.  I realize that sometimes the conversation isn't there, but I'm a girl and get offended when I'm not his focus.  Especially when I'm his wife, raising his kid without him, just gave away our dog, and get extremely lonesome at times!!!

I hate that we have to have a relationship like this for a year.  Neither one of us had the capacity to make a long distant relationship work, we don't do phone conversations well, and here we are trying to make a phone relationship work!!  I mean, I know that we are going to be fine and I'm not leaving him or anything, but him being gone and us doing the phone thing really is putting some strain on me.  I don't know about Coach, cuz well he never talks about his feelings.
I'm ANGRY at Coach and I shouldn't be, I know it is not his fault that our time zones are 11hrs different, ad he has responsibilities when I want to talk, and I seem to be distracted or not in the mood when he is able to talk.  I'm angry that not every conversation lifts me up or even lifts him up (of course I know that he will say, "just getting to hear your voice makes the whole day better"). That makes me feel guilty when he says that, because I have angry feelings.  I get so excited to hear and see him and then I don't know what happens, sometimes it goes away, and that makes me angry!!

I'm angry at myself and I'm probably putting the blame on Coach.  I'm frustrated and overwhelmed right now and so everything is making me angry...

On a happy note, this is Coach.  I know that he would rather be here with us than where he is at.  I know that he has to do this for us and I do love him with all my heart.

A lot of nothing, but a pretty sunset :-)