My Type a Hike!!

I like to go hiking, I do, but I LOVE LOVE to be horseback!!!  When I am on the back of a horse, I'm home, whether it is on a trail ride or working cattle or just plain ol' riding.  I know exactly who I am at those moments and I actually have confidence in myself and a sense of peace.  I grew up on a horse and I'll die on a horse.  Big T is already developing that desire as well, I can't get him off once he is on.

Yesterday Dad and I went up the main Pahsimeroi draw.  It was such a beautiful hike ride!  With some challenges and obstacles.

 Big T had to stay home, but we gave him a short ride before.

Pops on Garth

 This shell rock looked like wood to me.

 Spartacus always has to be behind the lead, if he isn't exploring.

Looking back down the draw

 Elena and Garth

I think that high mountain meadows are gorgeous, a hidden oasis.

I also saw my Moose, it was a young bull ( since you can't tell)

 Can you tell where the water runs?

Stopped for lunch then headed back down.

Our Obstacles:

On the way up Pops and saddle were on the side of Garth to clear this.  On the way back down he decided to get off, and the saddle horn just barely cleared.

An easier one:

When we got home I took Big T on a short horse ride.

Stopping and Smelling the Daisies

I have a tendency to not always live in the moment.  I seem to wait for things to happen and miss out on what is already happening around me.  I hate that I have been that way, but I have officially made up my mind to not wait around for great moments, but to find greatness in the everyday small moments!!

Tuesday morning I found my destructive sweet boy up to no good.  I was a little shocked and had a moment where I thought it would be best to discipline right away, I decided to slip away, since I wasn't noticed yet, and grab my camera.  It wasn't a life or death situation and rather comical.

First, I put the Dawn on the Mousepad .....

 Make sure it has enough on it...

 Then I rub the mousepad on the hair...

 Finally I make sure it is soaked in good!

Another great moment this week was when  Big T and I walked to the mailbox and stopped at the ditch to throw some rocks in and to smell the Daisies! Or pull the daisies tops off the stems and throw them into the water. The truth is I hadn't really noticed the daisies before, they are just barely below the road, but I always buzzed on by not appreciating their charm. 

Big T did leave me some to photograph :-)  I feel like I can relate to daisies;  Simple, Wild, Country and if I dare say a small amount of Beauty and Charm.

 I had to document the huge "No-No" known worldwide.  Socks and sandals! 

 Big T has already become a little independent on what he wants to wear.  Yesterday he wore two shirts.  And I'm not sure why he gives this gorilla face so often?

 "All done Mommy"

Well Just one more...
I Love this Photograph!  It is crazy that just tiny sprinkles of water come out, but there is millions of them in a given period and the end result is green grass!  Millions of sometimes thought of as insignificant moments make up our "green" rich life!!

I caught some Air

In life I have moments,and maybe others do too, where I feel like I'm doing okay, I'm surviving.  I don't really feel like I'm drowning per say, but I'm not flying either.
The other day I was like a bird sort of soaring, and I hit a thermal pocket and was risen to newer heights!!
I caught some much needed "air"
I was carrying around some hurt and anger, I had thought I had moved on and let it go, but apparently I hadn't. I let it go!!  I've come to sort of accept some things about me. That are me!!  I am going to stop wasting my energy on pointless crap and people.
I'm on my way to stop comparing myself with others.  There are tons of others out there that will always be more in shape than me, or more social and friendly, or more...... whatever, that's just life, right?!

I also caught some real air yesterday..not a lot, but enough to make me proud!! I'm not really into the jumps, but I couldn't let my nephews show me up!!  I ended up enjoying it more than I thought!!!

O Remember, Remember

This weekend was such a great weekend, filled with messages of Hope, Help, and Love. My folks and I were able to go to the Saturday morning session in the Conference Center.  It was a neat experience, I've never sung with a congregation that big before!  Of course there was so much more great things in the messages of General Conference, but as Elder Jeffery R Holland put it as long as they teach by the Spirit, and we listen by the Spirit each one of us will get something personally out of the talks!!  I know this to be true, and it was confirmed by reading other blogs.
Now I need to take Alma's words to his son Helaman and "Remember, Remember" and burn the messages into my heart to stay.

On another note.....
I read and hear of people deciding to run, or how much they love to run.  I then think to myself, I used to run, how come I don't run anymore?
My junior year in high school I was in a tragic car accident ( I was not the only one in the vehicle).  I was ejected from the car and severed my left achilles tendon, busted the heel bone of the left foot, had my left pinky toe sewn back on, banged up my left knee pretty bad, broke my tailbone, and had numerous stitches on left leg and my buttocks. I got lots of scrapes on my right leg, but nothing that required stitches, my left leg took the beating!!
After 3 months in a wheel chair, another 2 ish months on crutches, and another 2/3 months in a boot I was able to use my leg again.  I did water therapy for exercise which was tougher than I thought water workouts were.  My senior year I decided to run x-country.  I wasn't the fastest, but I ran and then iced and stretched and worked out my heel every night.  I actually ended up placing 7th (in JV) at the last race...yeah me!!
In college I started running less and less, it seemed like I only ran when I need to pound out my frustration on the pavement.  Then after college I hardly ran at all, and when I did I got some bad shin splints ( probably from not properly stretching ).  When I got married it was alot of just sports, Ultimate Frisbee, Basketball, and some others.  I LOVE doing sports, I always have and always did and always will. 
Now that you have some background on me, I'll continue my actual running story.
Yesterday I wanted to go for a run, everyone else seemed to be running, so I supposed I should.  About a half a mile into my run my left knee started to kill me!!  I had no steps in between starting to hurt to killing me , just starting to hurt to BAM I'm limping!!!  Then I Remembered, that it has been hurting on my runs since after college, it just took longer for me to feel the pain and hurt than it did yesterday.  I've tried a brace on it and it didn't help. Yet it doesn't make any sense to me that when I play sports, or even when I was refereeing basketball, I don't notice any pain in my knee at all!!
I did my parents eliptical today and there was no pain either, in the knee, my Lungs is a totally different story.
How could I not remember that my left knee hurts when I run...."that is why we don't run Cami, you need to stop trying to run like everyone else and accept where your limits are!!"

To most of you this probably seems like some random crap, but for me my running story is also a metaphor for other, somewhat deeper things in my life and how the talks at General Conference helped me.   We all have different experiences in our life and they sort of shape and mold us into who we are, but even the bad experiences can (eventually) be shaped into something good.  It just may be doing sports, instead of running!

collage of what?!!

So I have been given an assignment to make a collage of ME on a poster-board.  I remember doing something like this in grade school, but it was easy and fun then!  On that project you put your favorite animals or colors of activities...ect.
Now I have to make it of who I really am.  I have to think "who is Cami Miller?" and then display it in a collage.  (back then I was Cami Johnson, I'm a different person now :-) )
I have no idea who Cami Miller really is....probably why I have been given this assignment.  Plus I have to incorporate how Heavenly Father sees me as, and I don't know that either.

Can I also point out, I'm totally not crafty.  My "craftiness" looks like some preschooler's craft.
 I'm very curious to see how this will end up.

Oh Happy Day...

I've been wanting to blog and tell of the things that are going on, but I haven't been able to figure out how to put it down with out being a jumbled mess, but if so hopefully it will still be understood.

Coach has been off doing his thing, which as he tells me is really nothing, just hanging out, and I believe him...it is the army way :-).  
I've been at home, of course, and although I miss my husband tons, I've been doing better than I thought I would.  Still not eating, but when I get hungry enough I will finally figure out a meal for myself that is nutritious as well as yummy!!!  Going for the quick and yummy right now.

I think the number one thing that keeps everything sane is Big T!  The last couple of days I can't help but feel How incredibly lucky I am.  I have the most amazing friend and companion I could ask for! 
my favorite parts of the day are when I hear Big T awake in his room from his naps and I when I walk in there his eyes light up and the biggest grin covers his face!! It makes my heart melt instantly and that contagious smile of his is immediately painted on my face.  We then just play and giggle while he is still in his crib and I doing some crazy wacko thing that you would only see a parent doing and not think to  call a mental hospital.  It really makes me realize that everything is fine, that my life is gooood!

I can't believe how fast Big T is growing, he has his bottom teeth and it loks like the top ones will be making their appearance soon.  He is starting to take steps with out holding on to anything!! Eveytime he does I can't hold in my excitement and will clap, even if I am in the middle of a conversation.  He is also talking with his mouth open instead of doing the ventriloquist act he has been doing for a while now, he is so stinkin' talented and cute!  We are also back to the spitting out food phase, which now that he is older he has more force and the distant is so much greater!

I truly am in an amazing phase of my life.  I love being a mom, and it is hard work and not always with cherries on top, but I will put my tally to all those before me and those around me who say it is totally worth it. It is totally worth it!!!!!!  I'm by far not the greatest mom out there, my kid has fallen off high places, has eaten everything (grass, dirt, wood, bird poop, bugs, leaves, toilet paper, paper, dog food,
wet wipes..ect), he sometimes gets called and coaxed like a puppy, and I have hit his head on the door jam a couple of times.  Astonishingly he is still alive and hasn't really been sick..yet.   I used to be worried about being the right kind of mom, but I'm my kind of mom, a one of a kind. Of course there is tons of room for improving.

Big T and Coach have made my cup full, I can't wait until the cup upgrades, cuz I know it will eventually.  (p. s. I also know that I helped fill my cup.)

I wanted to share my happy thoughts that I've had the past couple of days and my happy experiences, I hope they are enjoyed and bring happiness to someone!

(oh and Big T does have other clothes, he just seems to be in this outfit when the camera is rollin')

This is Me

 Yesterday I deleted a blog post I made because someone told me I shouldn't put that "crap" on the internet.  I then was like fine I'll delete it, but now I regret deleting it.  I feel that I can write that I'm lonely and jealous, those are my feelings I had and I believe that in some ways that is what blogging is about.  I may have gotten carried away with the self pity.  The time that I wrote the blog, "a lonely outsider" I was having a bad week, heaven forbid that I'm human.  No, I don't need professional help. By blogging I was talking to those who I consider friends and family that could help, and I'm grateful for their inspiring and uplifting responses.  I am not a perfect human being and I have flaws I wish I didn't, like jealousy and loneliness, and obviously I know that jealousy isn't going to get me any where. I know that I do have friends out there.

I'm a person that has a competitive spirit and I feel like I always have to be competing with someone.  I realize that it causes feeling that get me into trouble.  I also have weak skin, which I'm told constantly to toughen it up ( especially when I'm refereeing).   My sister told me to let things go and be the better person, of course she is right, but this is where that competitive spirit gets me into trouble.  I don't like when I have been mocked by someone who doesn't know me.  Especially if they are going to be family.  If it was a friend of a relative than who cares.  But me and that thin skin...
I said on the post I deleted "that my older sisters were like distant relatives and if I didn't deal with them much it wouldn't be a loss".  I do feel like they are distant relatives, and we don't talk hardly at all.  Why I said that it wouldn't be a loss was because we are leading different lives and I feel that they already thought that about me, so of course I had to beat them from saying it first.  Plus I believe their significant others don't like me and I'm hurt by that, like really hurt.  The one husband and I used to work together and were friends and then all of a sudden, I'm disliked by him.  The other soon to be husband I don't even know,   so I wanted to make it easier on all of us and we all just stay away. 


I love being outdoors and hiking and playing sports, I think that keeps my spirit well nourished and out of trouble.  I am going to miss doing those things with my best friend for awhile and I believe that is what I was trying to get across in the post that caused some havoc.

I love my family so much, Big T is such a blessing to us and I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father trusted us with him.  I am also grateful that Coach was able to come into my life.  I love having his love ( if that makes any sense).  He is the guy that has his head on straight and usually keeps me out of trouble and helps me see things in a different light.   He has never publicly put down a member of my family. 

I love me, I am human and have flaws and moments of weakness.  I can be a ditzy brunette at times, and I speak my own language.  Others out there speak it as well, which is quite impressive.  Sometimes Coach still has troubles with it.  I'm out of shape,  but skinny so it can be deceiving.  I speak sometimes before I think, and like I said before I am competitive ( but honestly not at everything).  I am trigger shy, which makes me not fit into my family, but I do enjoy shooting. I enjoy sports and hanging with family and friends.  If anyone ever needed me, I 'd be there in a heartbeat.  And most of all, I love ice cream and my family. My family more, but ice cream is right up there.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A church which is full of imperfect people who are trying to make themselves better people and sometimes we fall short.  We are no better than anyone else.  I love my Heavenly Father and I love Jesus Christ who I know is real and I know he answers prayers.  He loves everyone.  I truly wish I had more of his qualities, but I've fallen short. 

This is me. If you don't like it than I believe that it is your problem and I respect that.

Summer

I love the Sun and warm weather.  I don't always realize how much the weather effects my moods.  Now that it is warm out I get to go on more walks with Big T and the dogs and I feel better about myself.  I feel I am not down on myself as much lately, and I don't know if I should attribute it to the nice weather or the fact that I have been with Family a lot in the last couple of weeks.  It is probably both!  I love my Family and have been so fortunate to spend time with them two weekends in a row.

I also love this warm weather so we can have BBQ's.  We bought lawn furniture this weekend and a couple of weekends ago go a little fire pit thing that you can move around.  My goal is to  have tons of BBQ's this summer (when we get our gas tanks filled of course) and invite over couples and families to get to know them better.  That also scares me.  I am a wussy when it comes to inviting people because I'm afraid of rejection or they came and don't have a good time.  I don't want to come off desperate for them to be my friends, even though inside I might feel that way.  I don't know if anyone knows what I'm talking about, but it really is scary.  My goal is to invite over one family we don't know that well before the end of this month.  Wish me Luck! :-)

Wow..I've started a blog!!

I've never blogged before, so I'm not sure how I'll do. Almost everyone I know blogs, so I thought I'd try it out. Maybe I felt like I needed to fit in.
I'm not domestic really, I know how to cook, but don't like to. I don't know how to sew, and I'm not that into scrapbooking. To me those feel like the top three things you need to do and do well in order to be domestic or a good house wife and mom.

My whole life I've struggled with self-esteem. I feel that i don't fit in and I have a hard time making friends. Honestly I don't really now why. I'm telling you all this, because this is why I've started a blog. I want to feel like I belong and that I'm not a loser or lazy. Especially since I'm not "domestic". I struggle from day to day, with good days in between, feeling that I don't measure up to the type of good house wife or mom that I see in others.

Anywho, that is my spill for the day!